Grace's update 2003-2005

It's almost midnight and I've officially joined the blogger ranks. How did this come about? A curiousity with blogs, a desire to finally write, because I never make myself sit down and do it. Did I mention it's also because I'm the world's worst emailer? That doesn't mean I'm going to email less because right now I hardly email at all! I figured updates from time to time would be nice. I will admit I'm hard to keep in touch with and many people I know are great at constant email replies, regular updates, and so forth. Here's my life for the past two years :-)

How to describe my life since the ship. I thought this event (leaving the ship) on my life’s timeline would be a good place to start. In short, re-entry back into the States after two years away and fully immersed in a unique "ship culture" was hard, to say the least. I had some low points and questioned everything -- it's not like I chose to be depressed, it's as if I didn't know who I was anymore and needed to question things. I'm putting myself out on the line when I say this, but I now understand the human condition more so than I ever did because of all this. It's as if through all my questioning I felt pain, and could understand with my eyes wide open for the first time the pain of others (not to mention the joy of others).

Almost two years have gone by since then, and Jesus has walked me down the path with only the pure love and patience that He has. He has brought amazing people into my life since "re-entry" and has allowed me to continue beautiful friendships along the way.

Ok, so I luuuuuuv my family, my dad John and mom Celi and my three sisters Chris, Michelle, and Beka. Seriously, besides my salvation, without my Fam I am nothing. Love them! I lived with them in Vegas for three months right after I got off the ship (which was September 28, 2003), had lotsa fun, yet needed to work. I was getting antsy.

Marco so graciously got me an interview with his boss, Jayne, at the Continental Singers in Ventura, California (1 hour north of Los Angeles). I was ready to work, so I interviewed with her, got the job as a booking agent (calling churches all over the country asking them if they'd like to have the singers come to their church for a concert), and moved out to California. Of course, I'm hooked. I never used to like California growing up (all my relatives live in Southern Cali so we'd drive to LA from Vegas many times a year) -- you know, the traffic, smog, cost of living (hey we still have all that), but there are so many positives I won't say they outweigh the negatives, but I must say I do enjoy it here.

I lived with Dwight and Elaine Bolen in Camarillo for the next eight months (Jan-Aug.2004). They were awesome and very understanding of the "I don't know who I am or what I want to do with my life" girl who was living in their house. They prayed for me and gave me solid advice. I got involved in a Bible study and the youth group ministry at Pleasant Valley Baptist in Camarillo, and got to know some of the staff at the Continentals. The Gist family at PVB invited me into their lives with love, and because of that I am forever grateful. My time in Ventura/Camarillo was memorable thanks to kind new friends.

I applied for a job at Biola University (being a Master's College alum, I viewed Biola as a rival sports school, and had only been on the campus twice before, but wasn’t too familiar with it) where my sister Chris was planning to attend in the fall. Great, I thought, another change -- change is good, right? So I prayed for the right job to open up on staff. I had also been saving money for Europe, determined to go to Glyn and Vero's wedding in Paris that August. Carol and Randy were getting married July 25, so with my app in to Biola, I quit my job at the Continentals, took off to the Bay area for their lovely wedding, and left a week later for Europe.

Ok, I don't know what I was thinking, but I had only so much money to last me a month in Europe, and (good planning, Grace) nothing beyond that (trying to make it as an "adult" when you're a twentysomething in today's culture can sometimes be a stretch, money-wise and everything else-wise). I traveled to London, alone for three days there, and stayed at the Manna House (an OM-run hospitality house), then met up with friends in Paris for a while. I love London and would like to live there someday. Paris was a ship friends reunion and a much-needed one for me. By this time it had been almost a year since I had left the ship, and I was having a hard time dealing with that. Chanty and I walked around exploring for a few days before the others arrived for the wedding (someday I'll get my pictures up on yahoo photos). I appreciated Glyn and Vero's wedding ceremony. They wrote their vows to each other, reading them aloud for all to hear, strong declarations of love and commitment. After the wedding everyone took off again, and I traveled on to Madrid to stay with Vicky (hola, Vicky!).

Vicky's dad Paco was adamant that I see the important landmarks in Madrid (I had been there once before with my college choir and had a really fun allergy attack all three days we were there), so we went around (it was so hot) but all I really wanted to do was shop :-) (that's partly true!). H&M!!! We visited the city of Toledo, which looks like a mini-Jerusalem from a distance, with narrow cobblestone streets that's now a tourist attraction. The best part of Madrid, for me, though, was tapas. I love the Spanish culture -- it's people-oriented, not so much time-oriented. Tapas (tapas restaurants are all about appetizers) is the perfect setup to meet friends and enjoy company and food at the same time, most often late at night. Tapas isn't "trendy," like so many things often are, it's a way of life.

From Vicky's I flew to Germany, another country I love, and had a relaxing time with Christina, Denise, Carolina, and Micha. Denise, Christina, and I had a fun day along the Romantische Strasse (Romantic Road) heading out from Stuttgart (home of Mercedes-Benz). I even made it to Mosbach to visit Carolina and see friends at the ship's office. Can I say how happy (or at home) I felt when I walked into the ship's office? It was a reminder of an incredible ministry which is ever-changing and of people who I had embraced as family.

I didn't mean to make this entry so long -- I finally had to leave Europe, so I headed back to Los Angeles. A few days later I said goodbye to my friends in Ventura and Camarillo, grateful for my experience at the Continentals, and looking ahead. It was sad to leave the youth group at church. That was hard, I must say. Dwight and Elaine were preparing to move to Oregon after 30 plus years in Camarillo, so the house, including my room, was full of boxes.

I moved down to La Habra (in north Orange County and 10 minutes from Biola) August 30, throwing all my belongings in the car and taking off on a hot day and with a broken air conditioner :-) Without a job, money, or a mattress, I was so excited to begin a new chapter (yes, I am one of those people who call things that happen in life "chapters").

Hadn't heard anything positive yet from Biola (but had interviewed with them two months earlier). I lived in an apartment with three Biola girls, Risa, Kelsey, and Kristi. I'm sure they thought it was funny to have a girl with no job living in a rented room that wasn't even unpacked yet (I didn't even have furniture!). I job-searched for the next 29 days, and realized God was teaching me a lesson through it all. There was no guarantee I would be hired at Biola, and I had no money. What was I going to do? Trust me, He kept saying. Ok, Lord. Help me not to worry! I had some job prospects but in my heart still knew I wanted to work at the school. On September 30 I was hired at the School of Intercultural Studies at Biola as an administrative assistant. It had been exactly one month since I had moved down (needless to say, I felt positive about calling my parents to tell them their daughter was going to work again after two months of not-working). Biola was a friendly community to enter and I immediately liked it. Chris was into her first month of school by the time I started. We also had family living in the area, which I was happy about.

I'm still at SICS, have moved to a different apartment and have bought furniture and put up curtains, and have been at the same church for almost 11 months. It doesn't really feel like I've been down here almost a year, but yes, time truly does fly by. I've gotten to know people at church through my 20s group Bible study, and helped out with the children's and music ministry during the school year (right now I'm taking a summer break since I've been gone so often on the weekends). I enjoy talking to students at work, since my office is in a common area. I've been to five weddings this year so far, and was privileged to be in two of them, first for Felicia and Jason, then Marie and Marshall. I've also been SO very blessed to see many of my beautiful friends and spend time with my Fam this year.

In May I went back to the Logos II, my old home. Wow. The ship was in Merseyside, England (flashback to November 2001), and I worked again on the ship, helping to prepare for the Logos II celebration weekend. The Logos II ministry will continue until the Logos Hope is ready, so instead of a L2 decommissioning, we had a weekend of celebration, thanking God for the 16 years of L2 ministry. The BEST part was seeing hundreds of L2 family. The second best part (!) was working on the ship again. Boy, had I missed it. I think it was almost necessary for me to go back and experience life on the ship after our group (all of us who left in 2001). It encouraged me to stay faithful in the ministry, and to feel those heart stirrings again for God's work in the world -- in other words, being on the mission field again someday is very important to me. I was also able to gain some kind of a (here comes psychology) closure from the visit. Not, it's time to move on with my life and forget my life and experience there, but yes, I feel comfortable moving on to the next chapter in my life and have more peace about who I am, where I am, and what I'm doing in my life back in the States (There is life after being on the mission field, after all).

One thing to mention -- you all know I like variety, change, etc. That doesn't mean I don't value my friendships and or enjoy leaving people as I go from place to place. That's not why I leave. I leave because of a restlessness within me. I have no desire to settle in one place for too long because there's always more out there to see, more out there to do. I want to see the world. That's just me. I have friends for life, friendships that won't change because of miles that separate us. I know many of us have to deal with that reality, and being a product of the ship culture, that's something you learn to live and deal with. At least I can say I'm not so much "gotta move on, gotta move on" as I was before (but still not settled! :-) ).

Ok, so live in the moment. In the here and now. Plan ahead (that's me, gotta do it), look toward the future with anticipation. Look back at the past not with a longing to return, but to see how you’ve been affected by it, whether good or bad.

Love is so important. Whenever I feel restless I remember love. Jesus' love for me, the love I have for Him (we love Him because He first loved us), and the love we have for each other. I appreciate the fact that life is ever-changing, and as a person I am evolving and growing. Life is awesome.

For those of you who made it to the end of my first blog, congrats. My other blogs will not be as long in the future. Nighty-night.